Friday, July 5, 2019

MY SUICIDE NOTE


I’ve read about two suicide cases in two days.

One was about #segun and the other one about the UNN student who had a first class.

A lot of people’s comments have been so cruel and all they call them is cowards, selfish, weak and so many other unprintable names.

These guys and many more who have committed or attempted suicide didn’t want to die. They love life like you and me but all they wanted to was to end the pain and dying looks like it’s what gives them the avenue to do that.

Pain can alter you forever.

Pain can make you unrecognizable to yourself.

What we also need to know is that everyone’s threshold for pain is different.

I have had two babies and I can tell you that the last pain nearly took me out until the gynecologist offered me an option for Caesarean or Epidural Injection.

Meanwhile, some people can handle labor pain well even for the next 48 hours without any form of relief.

Does that make me less of a woman? NO!! It just means I have a low threshold for pain and I cannot withstand what some other woman can physically.

It’s not my choice. It’s not because I am weak or lazy. It’s because it’s my make up. We are all made differently.

So, instead of calling these people names for killing themselves, it’s better for us to help them through their pain when they cry for it.

Not by quoting scriptures at them or calling them weak.

Not by rebuking them for wanting to kill themselves for a man or woman.

Not by telling them that they are stupid because they want to kill themselves because of a low JAMB score.

Their pain doesn’t really stem from that basic incident, it is their interpretation of the event.

The one who failed JAMB thinks “I am failure in life. I am never going to make it. I am doomed for suffering forever. Everyone seem to make it except me”. So, this interpretation or feeling of failure didn’t start in a day. It’s an accumulation of interpretation of series of events until they climax.
This is the story of relationship coach " Lara kudayisi"
My message today is EVERYONE HAS THE TENDENCY TO COMMIT SUICIDE WHEN YOU GET TO YOUR LIMIT. My recommendation is that you try all you can do not to get to your limit.

HOW??

1.) DON’T SUPPRESS YOUR PAIN: A lot of people suppress their pain because that’s what they have been taught.

The African who expresses emotions have been made to seem weak. Other people will tell you why you should thank God that it is not worse thereby invalidating your pain and how it hurts you.

Express your emotions at every time you can. Crying is not weakness. It is a very natural reaction that is very therapeutic.

2) PURSUE HEALING WITH ALL YOUR POWER: Don’t think that you are a superman and that heartbreak will not get you. It may not get you now but one day it will show up where you least expect it.

Anytime you go through pain, create time to heal from it. Get help from professionals to heal from it. Don’t overestimate your capacity of dealing with your pain.

3) DON’T NUMB YOUR PAIN: There would have been more suicide cases today but for sex, drugs, alcohol, church and so many other activities that people indulge in so that they can numb their pain.

The more you numb it, the more you postpone the evil day.

4) SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO GET YOU:  Don’t continuously be around people that would constantly belittle other people’s issues because they think that their own is worse.

Don’t be around people that would put more pressure on your capacity because they are numbing their own or suppressing it.

Make sure you find your own people. People who don’t shut you down. People who accept you for who you are. People who don’t talk down at you or make you feel small. I can tell you this works like magic.

5) GET HELP: There is no shame in admitting that there is a problem. You are not the only going through what you are going through. You won’t be the only who will seek for help because you need it.

Growing up in Nigeria alone can be very dysfunctional and not a lot of people can handle it. Don’t let your environment stifle the life out of you.

Monday, July 1, 2019

STOP LIVING TO PROVE PEOPLE WRONG!!!


I am sure a lot of you are familiar with the story of Blessing CEO on Instagram who showed off someone else’s house as her own until the rightful owner came and prove her wrong.

A lot of people have had so many things to say about it and I want to look from it from another angle.

When she shared the message on her 30th birthday(according to her), she said her husband chased her out of their one bedroom apartment 8 years ago and today she has built a 7 Bedroom Duplex in replacement.

So for me, the key word is “chasing away” and what she has done in replacement.



In my opinion, she went to that length because SHE WANTED TO PROVE HER EX HUSBAND WRONG!!! This is what a lot of us are doing today.



Living to prove our parents, siblings, friends, exes, teachers, mentors and so many other people who have said terrible things about us wrong.



We want to show then that they were wrong by looking down on us and without their help we would become someone great in life.When you live to prove people wrong or show them, you will end up harming yourself on the long run.

When you live to show people or prove them wrong, you will stretch beyond your normal limit to do things. You will live on the edge, you will say YES to things that are dangerous for you just because you have a mission. You will never be happy because you will keep looking over your shoulder.



When people say stuff about you or even swear that you will never make it, thank them and proceed to live your own life without living for them.



This pure act is called AWAY FROM MOTIVATION in Neuro Linguistic Programming(NLP). It simply means you have a wrong motivation for doing things or living your life.



When you find yourself doing this, it means you are not over those people no matter how long it has been.

It means that you have given them the power to control your life even when you have nothing to do with them again.



It means your life is not your own or directed by you as it should be.



When someone swears over your life or make proclamations that you know that are hurtful to you, what you need to do is HEAL from that pain from the experience.



Healing frees you from rehashing what they have done and hurting continually from it.



Healing helps you detach from that experience so that it no longer taunts You or hunt you.



Healing helps you get Closure from that event so that it no longer controls you or your behaviour.



Healing helps you forgive them and move on completely from them or their words.



Healing helps you understand that nobody has a right to predict your future because they didn’t create you.



Healing frees you from bitterness from the pain or experience.



HEALING GIVES YOU FREEDOM!!

LEARN TO HEAL...... with ❤❤


BUSOLA DAKOLO’S STORY OF RAPE

Sorry lovelies, I needed to say this cos its disheartening


If you know what Rape victims go through, you will NEVER defend rape.

If you know how they struggle with identity crisis for the rest of their adult years, you will stone rapists.

If you know how dirty and worthless they feel, you will fight that they castrate rapists..

RAPE is a significant emotional experience that changes the life of the victim forever.

Some of them are very angry with life. They react over excessively to things and you will be wondering why they are that edgy.

I know this because I see them everyday. I deal with them everyday. I see how torn and broken they are because I help them heal.

Some of them can’t give themselves wholly to their boyfriends or husbands because a part of them have been killed.

I know a girl who is 20 years and her dad raped her from when she was 9 years old. She is a shadow of herself. Some days she wants to die, other days, she is cutting herself.

I feel so pained since morning. I feel sad watching @busoladakolo interview. I read the comments on Instablog and half of the girls who commented confessed to being raped.. What a pity..


Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Benny: ARE YOU REPEATING THE MISTAKES OF YOUR PARENTS?

Benny: ARE YOU REPEATING THE MISTAKES OF YOUR PARENTS?: I come across a lot of people who when I have a discussion with, they tell me how they don’t need to go through Healing or Therapy because ...

ARE YOU REPEATING THE MISTAKES OF YOUR PARENTS?


I come across a lot of people who when I have a discussion with, they tell me how they don’t need to go through Healing or Therapy because they can’t seem to remember being wounded and as such don’t need it.

The truth is a lot of us have been wounded unknowingly by our parents, siblings, friends, spouses, colleagues and society in general and we have no idea.

 Most of us are living a life that have been handed to us by our parents, environment and significant emotional experiences and we don’t even know.

There are four stages of knowing that I have come to realize.

1) Those who don’t know that they don’t know that anything is wrong with them.

2) Those who know that something is wrong and have resigned to fate.

3) Those who know that something is wrong and they want a change but won’t do anything about it.

4) Those who know that there is a problem, they want a change and are ready to go through the process of making a change.

So, which one are you?

Are you living the kind of life that you want to?

Are you repeating the mistakes of your parents??

Are you living the life that you hate and have promised yourself that you wouldn’t live?

Are you stuck because of a certain emotional trauma that have happened to you in the past?

Have you been hurt so many times that you are now numb?

Do you just find yourself emotionally empty as you don’t have any feeling?

Are you constantly feeling pain emotionally and you want to get out of it?

Do you feel helpless by your realities and you have no idea how to get out of them?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need  HEALING

At this point we need to go back to the source of most of our prevalent problems which is our childhood, environment and significant emotional experiences so that we can;

1) Identify the problem
2) Understand the problem
3) Fix the problem
4) Create a new approach to living life.

Now, it’s your turn to Heal from your known and unknown pain and dysfunction that is remotely controlling your life.
Remember suicide is never an option. You are loved

Its been ages

Hi sugars
Its been ages I have written..... I kinda miss you guys😍😍. Hope y"all miss me too?
I have been quite busy with school and all. Will really find time to write more. Just remember Benny got your back and I'm returning with an amazing, sweet, hot topics. Watch out for those, its gonna be litπŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

Friday, March 8, 2019

WHY YOU KEEP CHOOSING FUCK BOYS AND GIRLS


I saw a tweet sometime ago about one lady telling her friend that she attracts “Fuck boys” all the time but her friend told her that she’s a woman that attracts all types of men but she choses fuck boys.

Chai!!!

That response touched me deeply in my soul and is the reason why I am writing this email today.

Have you wondered why you keep choosing people that hurt you over and over again?

Could it be that you are replaying a script that you are not even aware of?

Check your patterns and see who in your family or around you have gone through or is going through what you are also going through and that may be able to explain your issues.

It doesn’t have to be your mum or dad who have had the issues you are having. It could be your guardians or the people around you like your friends that you have known for a very long time.

Things don’t just happen in isolation. It’s either you are rebelling or reacting against something from your childhood that you have no idea of.

For instance, if your mum is very docile to your aggressive dad, you could turn around having an aggressive husband and being very docile and a doormat or you could just be the aggressor having docile partners whom you have to push and push till they snap or you get to your limit.

90% of what happens to you now are born from your subsconscious which includes learnings from your childhood, environment and your significant emotional experiences..

For you to break free from this cycle, you need to intervention that can interrupt this unhealthy pattern.

You need to unlearn a lot of the things that aren’t serving you and relearn great things that can move you forward.

You acquired these things subconsciously which is why you need a subconscious intervention to delete them from the memory bank of your mind.